The Words Not Said

I was going through the basement and came across an old art project on negative space.  I know it's hard to see, but remember it is about 34 years old.  {Sigh} Really?  It doesn't seem that long.  In fact, I remember enjoying the concept of negative space, if not so much the execution of the project.  I had to really change my thinking to see that what isn't there is just as important as what is there.  That made me remember, when I was little, talking to my Mom.  She could send as many messages with what she didn't say as what she did say.  Lately it seems like some little occurrence will stick with me and my mind follows a stream of consciousness.  That is how I went from a college class to my childhood to losing my Mom to today, all while looking at a 34 year old drawing. 

A couple of days later I was talking to a friend from a different generation.  She was telling me about another friend who had done her a favor and at the end of the story pronounced, "She's a good Christian woman." I have heard that phrase about a million times before so I didn't think much about it at the time.  It just a common descriptor.  But, like the experience with the picture and what my Mom didn't say, I wondered, exactly what does it mean to be a "good Christian woman?"

What does a good Christian look like?  In my understanding it is someone who is fair, honest, goes to church on a regular basis, is a generous volunteer, helps others in need.  I remembered a rhyme from my childhood: I don't drink, smoke, cuss or chew and I don't mess with folks who do.  It is about acts, what we appear to be.

Now that I consciously defined a "good Christian," I'll ask you to float with me in my stream of consciousness and see just how warped my mind is.  What are the words not said in determining that my neighbor is a "good Christian?" 

First, I must make a judgement.  How can you say something is good or bad without an evaluation, even if it is using your own personal criteria?  You can't.  You must assess, you must judge.

Second, it most likely means she's like me.  It is normal and human to feel more comfortable in the company of like-minded people who share not only the same value system but also come from a similar background. Like=Good

Third, it is better to be like me than to be different from me.  That is my twisted assimilation of the normalcy of preferring the company of those who are like me. Different=Bad

Fourth, people who are different are not Christian.  How can they be?  They are quite apparently different.  If I am Christian and they are different then they are not Christian.

Fifth, people who are not Christian are bad.  I think it is also normal and human to want to divide things into camps, define by dichotomies.  A classic political technique is demonizing the opponent.  It works in war as well as in electoral campaigns.  It hits us on a visceral, subconscious level and insidiously colors our view not only of others, but of the world around us.  You're either with me or against me.

Finally (for this trip) I am a good Christian - it takes one to know one.   And I don't want to be bad.  Or different.

What a lot of connections in order to make me feel good about myself.  Connections of which I really wasn't aware, until just now.

Please do NOT interpret this as an indictment of my friend.  I have no idea what her train of thought looks like.  This is just the places to which my mind went.  It is painful and has me squirming in my seat right now.  That is not the way I like to see myself.  At least by being conscious of how something so small can impact my understanding I can work to proactively divert and correct the process.  Lesson learned: Pay more attention to the negative space in my words.