For some time now I have had trouble bringing what I want to say to the surface. I have been doing more reading, trying to sort the jumble of words and ideas in my mind into a more coherent order. Today, this struck me and I think it is more than worth sharing. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and do:
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Friday, August 29, 2014
What Lies Beneath?
I haven't written for quite a while because I have been in brain lock. And also helping move kids, but mostly brain lock. After the last post I requested Piketty's book three times. I returned it three times without cracking the cover. I still have a lot of questions. Does the capitalistic philosophy that we have created engender a mentality that causes us to seek to create scarcity? Why and how do we keep moving the line between scarcity and need? If we are successful in creating scarcity can we stop it before it goes all the way to nothingness, or death? It seems our reliance on scarcity incites a constant, persistent fear and worry about not having enough, even when we have more than enough.If I look back on my post about the "spiral" of nature - some things must die in order for new things to live, then maybe the old church must die in order for a new church to live? How do we divorce our societal, marketplace understanding of success from our faith life? Is that what it means to be in the world but not of the world?
That looks like enough material for a year or two of contemplation, especially if I could ever get around to actually reading that book! Then came the Supreme Court decision on Burwell v. Hobby Lobby. I read the entire 95 pages and am deeply troubled on many points. The point I find most disturbing is that the "person-hood" of a corporation has been given priority over the person-hood of a PERSON! Talk about a slippery slope. The other item that troubled me greatly was not in the decision itself. There was a large number of congratulatory high-fives that appeared in Christian media, on Facebook pages and in the Twitterverse. In and of themselves they aren't so bothersome, it is to be expected when we deal in rhetoric. The thing that bothered me most was what was missing. I didn't once see any one of the pundits, or even the people I know asking if this was the best decision for the women? How did the lives of real, working women figure into the ideology of those celebrating? Quite simply, they didn't. It appears that creating and maintaining a doctrine that meets personal beliefs and then imposing it on others is more important than truly caring about the well being of others.
And then came Ferguson. An event so overwhelming, the result of issues that have been smoldering for years that it is easy to throw up your hands, cover your eyes, say a few prayers and think that is all you can do. How do you approach something so big? What can I do? I can't solve it. I can't make a dent in this thing.
Maybe it is the little, daily actions where true change begins. I can consciously consider and change how I think about it and how I act. I highly recommend Dr. Eric Knost's blog. Listen to the conversations around you, and to your own words. How many times have I heard "those people" come out of my mouth? Those people and those children are ours. I can also recommend Matt Miofsky's sermon based on the interview with F. Willis Johnson on NPR because he points out what we can do - small, concrete steps that build a foundation for change. Last night I attended a meeting of the Metropolitan Congregations United, an organization devoted to issues of social justice. I don't know a lot about them yet, but I intend to learn more than I did of Piketty's book.
I need to move from brain lock and despair to action. Something as small as pointing someone of a different race to an empty parking spot feels like a big deal in our current environment, especially after some of the experiences I have shared with friends and acquaintances who happen to belong to a minority group. On the surface the unrest is about race, but underneath it is about so much more...
That looks like enough material for a year or two of contemplation, especially if I could ever get around to actually reading that book! Then came the Supreme Court decision on Burwell v. Hobby Lobby. I read the entire 95 pages and am deeply troubled on many points. The point I find most disturbing is that the "person-hood" of a corporation has been given priority over the person-hood of a PERSON! Talk about a slippery slope. The other item that troubled me greatly was not in the decision itself. There was a large number of congratulatory high-fives that appeared in Christian media, on Facebook pages and in the Twitterverse. In and of themselves they aren't so bothersome, it is to be expected when we deal in rhetoric. The thing that bothered me most was what was missing. I didn't once see any one of the pundits, or even the people I know asking if this was the best decision for the women? How did the lives of real, working women figure into the ideology of those celebrating? Quite simply, they didn't. It appears that creating and maintaining a doctrine that meets personal beliefs and then imposing it on others is more important than truly caring about the well being of others.
And then came Ferguson. An event so overwhelming, the result of issues that have been smoldering for years that it is easy to throw up your hands, cover your eyes, say a few prayers and think that is all you can do. How do you approach something so big? What can I do? I can't solve it. I can't make a dent in this thing.
Maybe it is the little, daily actions where true change begins. I can consciously consider and change how I think about it and how I act. I highly recommend Dr. Eric Knost's blog. Listen to the conversations around you, and to your own words. How many times have I heard "those people" come out of my mouth? Those people and those children are ours. I can also recommend Matt Miofsky's sermon based on the interview with F. Willis Johnson on NPR because he points out what we can do - small, concrete steps that build a foundation for change. Last night I attended a meeting of the Metropolitan Congregations United, an organization devoted to issues of social justice. I don't know a lot about them yet, but I intend to learn more than I did of Piketty's book.
I need to move from brain lock and despair to action. Something as small as pointing someone of a different race to an empty parking spot feels like a big deal in our current environment, especially after some of the experiences I have shared with friends and acquaintances who happen to belong to a minority group. On the surface the unrest is about race, but underneath it is about so much more...
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Is Capitalism Killing the Church?
I am resigned to the fact that I am not going to get a teacher who will take me by the hand and lead me through lessons, so I am doing my best to pay attention and look for them. It's amazing, but when I actually pay attention there is often a stream of "coincidences" that lead me to a lesson, if not a revelation. A few months ago a friend sent a link to an interview with Nadia Bolz-Weber, an unconventional Lutheran pastor. When I got around to watching the Vimeo video, I heard a lot of things that resonated with me. I was particularly interested in the way she articulated the Christian life as a constant cycle of death and resurrection. She gave personal examples of how her heart would get small and cold and hard, and then God would reach in and give her a new, beating heart. (Those are her words, I have experienced it more as a 2x4 up side my head.)
Shortly after watching the video, her name inexplicably popped up on my Facebook feed. No doubt there is some metric tracking me somewhere. I followed her on Facebook and when I did a link to her blog showed up. When I went to her blog I found an inspirational entry that I believe she delivered to her Synod's assembly very recently, Stop Saying the Church is Dying.
There were a lot of very familiar themes in the address - fear, loss, worry, the requisite hand-wringing over how the church isn't what it used to be. One statement jumped out at me: "And we come by this fear honestly in a society in which a perceived state of scarcity is what drives the free market economy." I have been turning that idea over and over in my head. Could it be that capitalism (as we currently know it) is killing the church?
Although my experience and knowledge are limited, it seems to me that most of organized religion is living in a state of fear. Numbers are smaller and shrinking, budgets are tighter and more often in deficit. Our worry is never about what we will do with more money, with more members, with more period. This allegiance to perceived scarcity may drive the free market economy, but it appears to have created a mindset that is killing congregations by paralyzing them with fear.
It is easy to become discouraged by the pessimism that is an integral part of perceived scarcity. Thank goodness Bolz-Weber closes with inspiration and hope, at least for religion, saying, "Perhaps our definition of success can shift more toward what is foolishness to the world and yet life to those in Christ. Buildings and budgets and social currency will fall away. But what stands is the kingdom of God. Which Jesus tells us is the Father's good pleasure to give to us... But we should never judge ourselves as the church according to these things because you know what the culture around us will NEVER do? Preach the Gospel, administer the sacraments and proclaim forgiveness of sins. You know why? That's OUR job."
Shortly after watching the video, her name inexplicably popped up on my Facebook feed. No doubt there is some metric tracking me somewhere. I followed her on Facebook and when I did a link to her blog showed up. When I went to her blog I found an inspirational entry that I believe she delivered to her Synod's assembly very recently, Stop Saying the Church is Dying.
There were a lot of very familiar themes in the address - fear, loss, worry, the requisite hand-wringing over how the church isn't what it used to be. One statement jumped out at me: "And we come by this fear honestly in a society in which a perceived state of scarcity is what drives the free market economy." I have been turning that idea over and over in my head. Could it be that capitalism (as we currently know it) is killing the church?
Although my experience and knowledge are limited, it seems to me that most of organized religion is living in a state of fear. Numbers are smaller and shrinking, budgets are tighter and more often in deficit. Our worry is never about what we will do with more money, with more members, with more period. This allegiance to perceived scarcity may drive the free market economy, but it appears to have created a mindset that is killing congregations by paralyzing them with fear.
While I was contemplating this "heresy," I noticed a Tweet that lead to an article on a similar topic - Capitalism Eating Its Children. It's an op ed in the NY Times about a keynote speech given by Mark Carney, the Canadian governor of the Bank of England.
"Carney
pulls no punches. Big banks were too big to fail, operating in a
“heads-I-win-tails-you-lose bubble.” Benchmarks were rigged for personal
gain. Equity markets blatantly favored “the technologically empowered
over the retail investor.” Mistrust grew — and persists.
"Prosperity
requires not just investment in economic capital, but investment in
social capital,” Carney argues, having defined social capital as “the
links, shared values and beliefs in a society which encourage
individuals not only to take responsibility for themselves and their
families but also to trust each other and work collaboratively to
support each other.”
Maybe this issue is not just economic, but also societal, political, and religious. It would seem the tyranny of perceived scarcity isn't limited to the free market. The author, Roger Cohen, references the work of economist Thomas Piketty in the same article. In true "if you give a mouse a cookie" fashion, I have added that name to my reading list.
It is easy to become discouraged by the pessimism that is an integral part of perceived scarcity. Thank goodness Bolz-Weber closes with inspiration and hope, at least for religion, saying, "Perhaps our definition of success can shift more toward what is foolishness to the world and yet life to those in Christ. Buildings and budgets and social currency will fall away. But what stands is the kingdom of God. Which Jesus tells us is the Father's good pleasure to give to us... But we should never judge ourselves as the church according to these things because you know what the culture around us will NEVER do? Preach the Gospel, administer the sacraments and proclaim forgiveness of sins. You know why? That's OUR job."
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Where is My Rabboni?
During Lent our pastor did a sermon series titled "Jesus Revealed." Each week he examined a role of Jesus as presented in the gospel of Mark - Healer - Rabbi - Savior - Reformer - Messiah - Ascetic. Each week stood on its own and was revealing (nyuk, nyuk) in its own right, but I got totally stuck on Rabbi, Teacher.
If you have ever tried to teach anyone anything you know that it is much easier and the learning is more thorough if the learner is familiar with some aspect of the topic. I have always appreciated how Jesus taught in ways that were meaningful and accessible to the common people. I was discussing this with a friend who disagreed. She asked, "Then why did he have to explain the parables to his disciples?" Well, maybe the examples and speech were accessible, but the concepts were still difficult to grasp?
I was pondering that and I started to get kind of jealous. You know, that was great for the folks who had the benefit of learning from Jesus in the flesh, but what does God's teaching look like today? How does God teach us today? Of course the obvious answer is scripture, but really, unless you want to be a literal mis-interpreter you need a lot of schooling on the cultural context in order to understand most scripture. There are a lot of the passages I struggle with, but they make perfect sense when placed in their historical setting. Context. It's not just important for analytics.
Not too long ago I decided to be more intentional in looking for how God was acting in my daily life. Like everything, some days are better than others. But on the "better" days I found myself hearing more. When listening to sermons, talking to others I heard suggested reading, alternate interpretations and understandings to research and consider. Some of what I heard appeared to be a call to action, but mostly it was a call to read and learn - "Discernment" by Henri Nouwen, "Let Your Life Speak" by Parker Palmer, "An Altar in the World" by Barbara Brown Taylor, a video interview with Nadia Bolz-Weber and her book, "Pastrix." So much reading. So much learning.
I guess the lessons are all around us, maybe we just have to be looking for them, open to them, and ready to receive them. There is a Chinese proverb - Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself. Maybe Jesus had to explain the parables to the disciples because they weren't ready to hear the lesson. The petulant child in me still wants someone to teach me the lesson. It seems, though, that I need to take action and responsibility. We need to be both teacher and student, the actor and not the passive recipient. I accept the need to seek knowledge and understanding in order to deepen my faith, but I still want my Rabboni.
If you have ever tried to teach anyone anything you know that it is much easier and the learning is more thorough if the learner is familiar with some aspect of the topic. I have always appreciated how Jesus taught in ways that were meaningful and accessible to the common people. I was discussing this with a friend who disagreed. She asked, "Then why did he have to explain the parables to his disciples?" Well, maybe the examples and speech were accessible, but the concepts were still difficult to grasp?
I was pondering that and I started to get kind of jealous. You know, that was great for the folks who had the benefit of learning from Jesus in the flesh, but what does God's teaching look like today? How does God teach us today? Of course the obvious answer is scripture, but really, unless you want to be a literal mis-interpreter you need a lot of schooling on the cultural context in order to understand most scripture. There are a lot of the passages I struggle with, but they make perfect sense when placed in their historical setting. Context. It's not just important for analytics.
Not too long ago I decided to be more intentional in looking for how God was acting in my daily life. Like everything, some days are better than others. But on the "better" days I found myself hearing more. When listening to sermons, talking to others I heard suggested reading, alternate interpretations and understandings to research and consider. Some of what I heard appeared to be a call to action, but mostly it was a call to read and learn - "Discernment" by Henri Nouwen, "Let Your Life Speak" by Parker Palmer, "An Altar in the World" by Barbara Brown Taylor, a video interview with Nadia Bolz-Weber and her book, "Pastrix." So much reading. So much learning.
I guess the lessons are all around us, maybe we just have to be looking for them, open to them, and ready to receive them. There is a Chinese proverb - Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself. Maybe Jesus had to explain the parables to the disciples because they weren't ready to hear the lesson. The petulant child in me still wants someone to teach me the lesson. It seems, though, that I need to take action and responsibility. We need to be both teacher and student, the actor and not the passive recipient. I accept the need to seek knowledge and understanding in order to deepen my faith, but I still want my Rabboni.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
The Words Not Said
I was going through the basement and came across an old art project on negative space. I know it's hard to see, but remember it is about 34 years old. {Sigh} Really? It doesn't seem that long. In fact, I remember enjoying the concept of negative space, if not so much the execution of the project. I had to really change my thinking to see that what isn't there is just as important as what is there. That made me remember, when I was little, talking to my Mom. She could send as many messages with what she didn't say as what she did say. Lately it seems like some little occurrence will stick with me and my mind follows a stream of consciousness. That is how I went from a college class to my childhood to losing my Mom to today, all while looking at a 34 year old drawing.
A couple of days later I was talking to a friend from a different generation. She was telling me about another friend who had done her a favor and at the end of the story pronounced, "She's a good Christian woman." I have heard that phrase about a million times before so I didn't think much about it at the time. It just a common descriptor. But, like the experience with the picture and what my Mom didn't say, I wondered, exactly what does it mean to be a "good Christian woman?"
Now that I consciously defined a "good Christian," I'll ask you to float with me in my stream of consciousness and see just how warped my mind is. What are the words not said in determining that my neighbor is a "good Christian?"
First, I must make a judgement. How can you say something is good or bad without an evaluation, even if it is using your own personal criteria? You can't. You must assess, you must judge.
Second, it most likely means she's like me. It is normal and human to feel more comfortable in the company of like-minded people who share not only the same value system but also come from a similar background. Like=Good
Third, it is better to be like me than to be different from me. That is my twisted assimilation of the normalcy of preferring the company of those who are like me. Different=Bad
Fourth, people who are different are not Christian. How can they be? They are quite apparently different. If I am Christian and they are different then they are not Christian.
Fifth, people who are not Christian are bad. I think it is also normal and human to want to divide things into camps, define by dichotomies. A classic political technique is demonizing the opponent. It works in war as well as in electoral campaigns. It hits us on a visceral, subconscious level and insidiously colors our view not only of others, but of the world around us. You're either with me or against me.
Finally (for this trip) I am a good Christian - it takes one to know one. And I don't want to be bad. Or different.
What a lot of connections in order to make me feel good about myself. Connections of which I really wasn't aware, until just now.
Please do NOT interpret this as an indictment of my friend. I have no idea what her train of thought looks like. This is just the places to which my mind went. It is painful and has me squirming in my seat right now. That is not the way I like to see myself. At least by being conscious of how something so small can impact my understanding I can work to proactively divert and correct the process. Lesson learned: Pay more attention to the negative space in my words.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Cycling Through
I recently read an essay by Parker Palmer on the seasons. You can read it the essay (pages 9-26), it really stuck with me and resonated. I have always thought of the seasons in the traditional sense - a circular cycle
But as I thought about it there were some thing about the circular image that bothered me - a lot. For one thing, you can't look back,unless you have the neck bones of an owl. For another, your view ahead is limited by the size of your circle. And finally, you are locked into one path, moving in the same direction over and over. It's a two dimensional journey.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
I Love Winter
A recent sermon I listened to talked about paradox. I thought I knew what a paradox is, something contradictory, opposites, a dichotomy. As with all constructed knowledge our unique personal experiences influence our understanding, so I decided to look at some synonyms to clarify and articulate my underlying assumptions. I found the following synonyms for paradox: inconsistency, absurdity, irony, contradiction, oxymoron, enigma, puzzle, impossibility. Looks like I’m not too far off.
Of course, it’s no coincidence that in the midst of thinking about how to move away from the dark side I read an essay that forced me to completely reframe my understanding. What if the two forces were complementary, not opposing forces, forming a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the sum of the parts? A similar search of synonyms for complementary yielded: balancing, opposite, harmonizing, matching, corresponding, paired.
Hot requires cold. High defines low. Gifts do not exist without limitations, so if we want to claim our gifts, then we must do the same with our limitations. And the darkness is necessary in order to see, recognize, and long for the light. You can’t have one without the other; they are complementary parts of the same whole.
That makes me see the winter differently, too. Maybe winter is a time of dormant gestation, a preparation for the coming explosion of life; an explosion that cannot come to fruition without the dark and cold of winter.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Why Do I Have More Questions?
I only had one question last week and no one offered any help. (Read: Pout) How (or Where) do you find God? I continue doing my best to pay attention, to really look for the action of God. I guess that for a long time I have been under the assumption that when there is an important message I'll get a 2x4 up side the head or a burning bush or some other significant, grand announcement. Oooh! Maybe I'll get an angel with a hearty, "Fear not!" Or maybe not.
I've had several small experiences that I recognize as "special." If I weren't looking for them I probably would have chalked them up to coincidence. First I met a dear friend for coffee at her favorite place. When I walked in to the shop I ran into a girl who went to school with my kids and I haven't seen in years! Good thing she recognized me, because I only remembered her sweet, four-year-old face. We caught up and I learned that her father is back in business for himself, and likely can complete some work that we need to have done on our home. I spent the rest of that day revisiting sweet memories of days gone by.
The next experience was a little less happy. On the way to work I decided to go through the drive thru and treat myself to Starbucks on a morning with an air temperature of 0, wind chill somewhere between -10 and -20. (When it gets that cold does precision really matter?) I put the window down, placed my order and pulled forward. I tried to put the window up but it made a sickening, grinding, gear-stripping sound and then fell silent. With the window still inside the door. I went home and tried to tape a plastic tarp over it so I could at least go to work, but it was too cold for the duck tape to stick to anything! So I drove it to the shop that had fixed the same window 3 years earlier. Of course it was out of warranty, but they could fix it that day. Despite a generous discount the bill would still be close to $300.
For whatever reason a little light bulb went off in my head. Kind of like the check engine light indicating that we needed a new catalytic converter. Since the minivan has 218,000 miles on it we had already decided that we would trade it in when the tags were up in June rather than put another $2,000 into it. But if the indicator light had gone off, maybe... I asked them if they could go ahead and also do a state inspection while the beast was there. The immediate response was, "We can do it, but we won't be able to fix anything today." Even they recognized the hopelessness of it. I assured them that I just wanted to know what I was up against, so they agreed to complete the inspection and gave me a ride to work.
Unfortunately they couldn't get me a shuttle ride when I finished work, and I couldn't find another ride so I started the six mile trek to the shop. The whole way I repeated a mantra and even though the sun had only warmed the day to a balmy 15 degrees, it didn't seem too cold. There just are not words to express how absolutely shocked I was that I was able to walk that far and not be in pain! The shock was ten times greater when they told me the van had passed both inspections! What the what?! You better believe that new tags were purchased and on the van that same day!
And finally, this past Sunday we had some light ice overnight so I didn't get out the door in time for the first service at my new church. I thought I knew when the second service started, but I didn't. I got there right at the end of the first service. I decided to take the opportunity to ask a couple of questions and waited out of the way for the crowd to clear. While I was waiting a woman approached, greeted me, and offered to answer my questions about volunteering. I have felt a need for some time to do some kind of work with immigrant populations. Turns out she is an associate director at an agency that does just that. I am meeting with them tomorrow to see if I can find a place to offer some help.
There have been other things I noticed too, but I don't want this to get too long. Some people call these experiences random, coincidence. Some people would say it is evidence of synergy, the interconnectedness of all life. I was looking for what others would call the action of God. How do you know what it is? Does it have to be one or the other? Can it be all three at once? Is there another possibility that I'm not considering?
And what does it all mean? Is it enough to simply recognize the events and be grateful? Or do I have to respond and act on them? See? I am left with more questions than I had before I started looking. I'm still processing things and trying to figure out what they are saying to me, but would really like some help with some of these questions... For now I am good with living with the questions.
I've had several small experiences that I recognize as "special." If I weren't looking for them I probably would have chalked them up to coincidence. First I met a dear friend for coffee at her favorite place. When I walked in to the shop I ran into a girl who went to school with my kids and I haven't seen in years! Good thing she recognized me, because I only remembered her sweet, four-year-old face. We caught up and I learned that her father is back in business for himself, and likely can complete some work that we need to have done on our home. I spent the rest of that day revisiting sweet memories of days gone by.
The next experience was a little less happy. On the way to work I decided to go through the drive thru and treat myself to Starbucks on a morning with an air temperature of 0, wind chill somewhere between -10 and -20. (When it gets that cold does precision really matter?) I put the window down, placed my order and pulled forward. I tried to put the window up but it made a sickening, grinding, gear-stripping sound and then fell silent. With the window still inside the door. I went home and tried to tape a plastic tarp over it so I could at least go to work, but it was too cold for the duck tape to stick to anything! So I drove it to the shop that had fixed the same window 3 years earlier. Of course it was out of warranty, but they could fix it that day. Despite a generous discount the bill would still be close to $300.
For whatever reason a little light bulb went off in my head. Kind of like the check engine light indicating that we needed a new catalytic converter. Since the minivan has 218,000 miles on it we had already decided that we would trade it in when the tags were up in June rather than put another $2,000 into it. But if the indicator light had gone off, maybe... I asked them if they could go ahead and also do a state inspection while the beast was there. The immediate response was, "We can do it, but we won't be able to fix anything today." Even they recognized the hopelessness of it. I assured them that I just wanted to know what I was up against, so they agreed to complete the inspection and gave me a ride to work.
Unfortunately they couldn't get me a shuttle ride when I finished work, and I couldn't find another ride so I started the six mile trek to the shop. The whole way I repeated a mantra and even though the sun had only warmed the day to a balmy 15 degrees, it didn't seem too cold. There just are not words to express how absolutely shocked I was that I was able to walk that far and not be in pain! The shock was ten times greater when they told me the van had passed both inspections! What the what?! You better believe that new tags were purchased and on the van that same day!
And finally, this past Sunday we had some light ice overnight so I didn't get out the door in time for the first service at my new church. I thought I knew when the second service started, but I didn't. I got there right at the end of the first service. I decided to take the opportunity to ask a couple of questions and waited out of the way for the crowd to clear. While I was waiting a woman approached, greeted me, and offered to answer my questions about volunteering. I have felt a need for some time to do some kind of work with immigrant populations. Turns out she is an associate director at an agency that does just that. I am meeting with them tomorrow to see if I can find a place to offer some help.
There have been other things I noticed too, but I don't want this to get too long. Some people call these experiences random, coincidence. Some people would say it is evidence of synergy, the interconnectedness of all life. I was looking for what others would call the action of God. How do you know what it is? Does it have to be one or the other? Can it be all three at once? Is there another possibility that I'm not considering?
And what does it all mean? Is it enough to simply recognize the events and be grateful? Or do I have to respond and act on them? See? I am left with more questions than I had before I started looking. I'm still processing things and trying to figure out what they are saying to me, but would really like some help with some of these questions... For now I am good with living with the questions.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
How Do You Find God?
Let's jump back a month or so in time. I had just gone to the class on being aware of God, learning to recognize God's presence and I wrote (Looking For God):
"It's OK to know that God is God, but I really do need to look around, pay attention, and recognize that God is with us in the light and in the dark, in the good and the bad, in joy and disappointment... in all things."
Two days after that class was the concert referenced in that post, and I really focused on paying attention, asking some of the same questions we had gone through while contemplating photos. Anyone who knows me will know that I have been accused of being a groupie. I own that tag, but wish that those who want to label my affinity for the music could understand that I feel this particular music. It sounds crazy, but when I listen there is not just an emotional connection, it is physical for me. I feel the music in my gut, in my liver and pancreas. Sometimes it makes me think of the way Carlos Castaneda described seeing people as luminous beings, egg-like shapes with our strength coming from a strong, fibrous beam of light emanating from the navel. Of course, he was in a drug induced hallucination at the time, but the description reflects what I feel. It is palpable physical energy. And I have felt that since the very first time I listened.
I already knew that I have a visceral connection/reaction. On that night, though, by focusing on paying attention to the presence of God, the real question became why? What is the music telling me? Why do I feel so strongly? What does this music reveal about the nature of God? Probably the people around me thought I was either crazy or some kind of reviewer, because I started taking notes on what the answer to that question might be. Right there, in the concert hall, I scribbled away on the back of a receipt.
Maybe because I questioned myself, maybe because I focused on paying attention I had a revelation. Listening to the music allows me to see and hear the gifts that God gives us. When I listen I feel that knowledge, physically, emotionally and spiritually. When I become transfixed by the sight of their fingers moving so incredibly quickly on the guitar, there is no doubt that a generous God gives us incredible gifts. I imagine people who find and then use their gifts are doubly or triply blessed. I am thankful they have found and use theirs, and at the same time incredibly jealous.
The second part of the realization is when I am alone, when I am able to "Spanish rap" to Rococo, or just singing along at the top of my lungs as though I were Beyonce or some other incredibly gifted singer, I also feel the hope that some day I will know what my gift is, own it, and use it. Thanks to Suzanne for providing me with the questions that revealed this to me. Thanks to Rob and Al who first suggested I listen. And deepest thanks to Javier and Jim, for the music that helps me figure out how I find God. How do you find God?
"It's OK to know that God is God, but I really do need to look around, pay attention, and recognize that God is with us in the light and in the dark, in the good and the bad, in joy and disappointment... in all things."
Two days after that class was the concert referenced in that post, and I really focused on paying attention, asking some of the same questions we had gone through while contemplating photos. Anyone who knows me will know that I have been accused of being a groupie. I own that tag, but wish that those who want to label my affinity for the music could understand that I feel this particular music. It sounds crazy, but when I listen there is not just an emotional connection, it is physical for me. I feel the music in my gut, in my liver and pancreas. Sometimes it makes me think of the way Carlos Castaneda described seeing people as luminous beings, egg-like shapes with our strength coming from a strong, fibrous beam of light emanating from the navel. Of course, he was in a drug induced hallucination at the time, but the description reflects what I feel. It is palpable physical energy. And I have felt that since the very first time I listened.
I already knew that I have a visceral connection/reaction. On that night, though, by focusing on paying attention to the presence of God, the real question became why? What is the music telling me? Why do I feel so strongly? What does this music reveal about the nature of God? Probably the people around me thought I was either crazy or some kind of reviewer, because I started taking notes on what the answer to that question might be. Right there, in the concert hall, I scribbled away on the back of a receipt.
Maybe because I questioned myself, maybe because I focused on paying attention I had a revelation. Listening to the music allows me to see and hear the gifts that God gives us. When I listen I feel that knowledge, physically, emotionally and spiritually. When I become transfixed by the sight of their fingers moving so incredibly quickly on the guitar, there is no doubt that a generous God gives us incredible gifts. I imagine people who find and then use their gifts are doubly or triply blessed. I am thankful they have found and use theirs, and at the same time incredibly jealous.
The second part of the realization is when I am alone, when I am able to "Spanish rap" to Rococo, or just singing along at the top of my lungs as though I were Beyonce or some other incredibly gifted singer, I also feel the hope that some day I will know what my gift is, own it, and use it. Thanks to Suzanne for providing me with the questions that revealed this to me. Thanks to Rob and Al who first suggested I listen. And deepest thanks to Javier and Jim, for the music that helps me figure out how I find God. How do you find God?
Friday, January 3, 2014
The Power of Memory
Wow! I thought I had the next post under control and ready to go and then today made me change direction. I attended the funeral of a wonderful man, devoted to family, a dear friend, a loyal public servant. You would be hard pressed to find anyone who had a negative word to say about Ed. This morning, though, I was really struck by his wife's loss. High school sweethearts, married for 66 years. I cannot imagine how she feels, and every time I thought about it I felt this horribly deep emptiness.
This afternoon I went to visit and read to another friend, and the first passage I read contained the answer and comfort I needed. Funny, I no longer consider things like this a coincidence, and I am thankful that I was paying attention and able to see the passage for the gift it is. I have no better words than these from Discernment by Henri Nouwen:
"Although memory sometimes brings the painful past closer in the present, it also creates a deep desire for reunion with those I remember and for reconciliation with what is past. The power of memory is not only that it allows me to relive the past but also that it transforms the past in the present and the future.
For example, I feel closely related to many friends who have died. I remember them in faith and expectation that I will see them again. The memory of those I love makes me desire a reunion, a new encounter face-to-face. In some mysterious way, in the absence of a loved one from the past, I sense a spiritual closeness in the present that prepares me for a reunion in the future that is deeper and fuller than their presence in the past or their presence in the present.
I can even say that I must remember those in the past to make full reunion possible in the future. Their memory is in a certain sense preparation for seeing them again. Remembering grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters, and friends who have died or gone away is not just some sentimental, pious custom of those who can't move on; it is the continuation of a relationship that still exists and has yet to come to fulfillment. Indeed it is the Spirit of Christ that tells us there is a coming reunion more profound than the relationship in the past or present.
Would it be true to say that remembering a friend of family member in death allows for a spiritual communion to develop that was not fully realized during their physical presence? Can we say that memory unites us in spirit with a connection deeper than physical union? If so, we must confess that bodily presence not only reveals the real person to us but also hides the real person from us. One's physical presence both reveals and hides the deeper, more authentic self that I desire to encounter. In physical absence, the spiritual presence is no longer blocked. This mystery sheds new light on life and death. Being fully alive means being truly present to God and others as best we can. Dying means not only leaving but also entering into a more intimate relationship and a deeper spiritual presence than was possible during physical life."
This afternoon I went to visit and read to another friend, and the first passage I read contained the answer and comfort I needed. Funny, I no longer consider things like this a coincidence, and I am thankful that I was paying attention and able to see the passage for the gift it is. I have no better words than these from Discernment by Henri Nouwen:
"Although memory sometimes brings the painful past closer in the present, it also creates a deep desire for reunion with those I remember and for reconciliation with what is past. The power of memory is not only that it allows me to relive the past but also that it transforms the past in the present and the future.
For example, I feel closely related to many friends who have died. I remember them in faith and expectation that I will see them again. The memory of those I love makes me desire a reunion, a new encounter face-to-face. In some mysterious way, in the absence of a loved one from the past, I sense a spiritual closeness in the present that prepares me for a reunion in the future that is deeper and fuller than their presence in the past or their presence in the present.
I can even say that I must remember those in the past to make full reunion possible in the future. Their memory is in a certain sense preparation for seeing them again. Remembering grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters, and friends who have died or gone away is not just some sentimental, pious custom of those who can't move on; it is the continuation of a relationship that still exists and has yet to come to fulfillment. Indeed it is the Spirit of Christ that tells us there is a coming reunion more profound than the relationship in the past or present.
Would it be true to say that remembering a friend of family member in death allows for a spiritual communion to develop that was not fully realized during their physical presence? Can we say that memory unites us in spirit with a connection deeper than physical union? If so, we must confess that bodily presence not only reveals the real person to us but also hides the real person from us. One's physical presence both reveals and hides the deeper, more authentic self that I desire to encounter. In physical absence, the spiritual presence is no longer blocked. This mystery sheds new light on life and death. Being fully alive means being truly present to God and others as best we can. Dying means not only leaving but also entering into a more intimate relationship and a deeper spiritual presence than was possible during physical life."
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