Will I Have Enough?

Will I have enough?  That was the topic of the sermon.  The question is how, in a materialistic, consumer-driven society, do we make spiritually informed decisions about allocating our resources.  The Pastor went on to provide us with some scriptural and practical examples and scenarios for reflection.  I have been contemplating that question and the resources she offered.  While a part of me feels like I “should” stay with the biblical and really explore the paradox of giving, how when you give you feel more blessed than the receiver.  Another, larger part of me feels a different, somewhat more secular direction is in order this week.

As I thought about the ways I choose to allocate my resources it seems that behind the “reasons” I almost always find fear.  There are some basic fears – shelter, food, and clothing.  But what about the other fears - fear that I won’t have enough for my needs, fear that I will be judged as too miserly, fear that I will be judged as wastefully extravagant, fear that what I have to give isn’t good enough, fear that I won’t have enough for my children or family, fear that I won’t have enough to be considered successful, fear that tomorrow will be so much worse than today?  All of those fears are reinforced and deepened by our culture, the media, and even our leaders.  Didn’t both sides proclaim a future of doom and despair should their opponent be elected?  And what about that ultimate fear - the fear that I am not enough?

A friend once suggested to me that too much worry (which could also be read as too much fear) is a sign of weak faith, or even lack of faith.  I suppose the argument could be made that if I trusted completely in the goodness and providence of God then I would not worry or fear anything. But what about the discussion we had a few weeks back about how bad things just happen, whether we deserve them or not?  Isn’t some fear/worry and subsequent preparation normal, human, and healthy?

Maybe the problem is when I let the fear or the worry win.  When fear is the one and only reason I react.  And it is only reacting; there is no way to act out of fear because you have already created a worst-case scenario.  When I do that I am blinded to the good and abundance around me because I see only scarcity.  I cannot imagine a better and more prosperous outcome because  I are locked in a prison of darkness, that worst case. 

I think it was Sheryl Crow who said, “It’s not having what you want, it’s wanting what you’ve got.”  I know I am not the best at that.  I have always preferred to prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised when it is a more favorable outcome.    I am going to consciously try to imagine what could be, what kind of community I would like this to be, and then believe that it can be.  Time to take a leap of faith, believing that no matter what there will be enough.