The Transformational Power of Giving

I am behind - again.  But this time it is not for want of trying.  I haven't counted how many times I have started, stopped and revised this post.  If I had, I think we would all be shocked.  The Transformational Power of Giving.  Every one of us has at least one story we can tell about how in giving we received more blessings than we ever would have imagined.  The Pastor talked about the group from our church who worked in 100 degree heat to rehab a house for Margaret after the Joplin tornado left her homeless.  The teenagers who went to workcamp received much more than they gave.  Those who planned, supplied and served at our Community Thanksgiving Dinner were tired, but had a complete understanding of the impact they had made on the lives of those in attendance.  

It goes without saying that in the sermon there was biblical discussion of how and why we give.  Paul tells us that we give because God first gave to us, that we give out of joy and thankfulness for what we have, that our giving is to be proportional, that giving is a way to give back to God and to do God's work here on earth.  In giving and caring for each other we embody God for one another.  This post should be about recognizing all the wonderful ways we act, even in the smallest little smile, to share God's love.  So what is my problem?

When the Pastor went over all the ways that routine, administrative expenses and actions - paying for salaries, keeping up buildings, paying utilities - within the church contribute to the work of God it raised a question that I just haven't been able to shake.  Is all giving transformational?  In today's culture we are warned about giving, or not giving, to organizations whose administrative costs are higher than "they" say they should be.  In addition, we have an almost pathological need to know what impact each dime we give has made in the life of another, poor, disadvantaged soul.  Why?  Why do we do that?  Is it about ensuring the efficacy of our donation, or is it about making ourselves feel important, generous, and impactful?  How do we find the balance between responsible giving and our need to control and micromanage every aspect of our giving?

I have been turning those question over and over for nearly two weeks now.    Here are some of the conclusions I have reached (for today, any way):
1. We humans need to give.  In the same way humans are made with a need to be in relationship - with God, with others - I think we are also made with a need to give.
2. If we are created in God's image, and God gave and gives to us so generously, then in order to resemble God we, too, need to give.
3. The truest and deepest form of giving is giving of yourself, giving out of concern for the best interests of the recipient.  That's not to say that giving money and things isn't important too, but when we give of ourselves we give as God gives.  That is what the group in Joplin, the youth and the dinner workers experienced. 
4. No where in what Paul says about giving (or anyone else that I could find for that matter) does it say that we get the satisfaction of knowing what impact we have had.  In fact, most of the main actors in the Bible had no concrete, measurable evidence that they had changed even one life.  They just did what they were called to do and had faith that it would all work out.

In the last post I decided I need to take a leap of faith about there being "enough."  Maybe I also need to have a little more faith in giving.  I'm not sure if my issue is trust, or control, or something else behind that almighty need to know.  One thing I do know is that with God there is always mystery.  Maybe accepting and embracing the mystery is the opportunity to deepen and widen my spiritual understanding.  When I give, sometimes the emotional/spiritual pay off is not a story to be recounted, but the quiet knowledge that I acted and there are ripples somewhere, for someone, and that it is good.