This Learner has been struggling with so many questions lately. Some of them are speed bumps like the person who just cut me off in rush hour traffic, the lost dry-cleaning, the 6,439th break down of my sixteen-year-old car. Some of them are sinkholes like why do parents get ill, suffer, die; why are young people struck with disabling, life-threatening or life-claiming illness; why do people who have fought and worked hard all their lives have to face more adversity in their "golden years"; why do loyal, hard workers lose their job; why is life so hard for some people; why are some left behind, even when they are ready to move on to the next life; why can't I have control of any of these issues? I have an abundance of why's. Unfortunately, I am not hearing any answers right now.
In my head I know that faith is accepting that there will be questions, there are answers, I just don't always get to know what they are. Faith, for me, is about living with the questions, talking about the questions. Faith is also about being OK with the fact that my heart still really wants the answers, and wants them badly enough to get really angry when I don't get to know them. Some days I honestly feel like stomping my foot and shaking my fist at heaven, or throwing myself on the ground in a full out, rolling, squirming, crying, wailing, two-year-old tantrum. Cognitively I know that neither will do me one bit of good, but emotionally I know either would release some of the frustration and maybe allow me to move one.
I have been trying to look for more positive, productive, socially-acceptable ways of coping with the questions. In my quest to help a friend with the same issue I came across the following, attributed to St.Francis de Sales:
Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from all suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, then, put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations, and say continually:
"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart has trusted in Him and I am helped. He is not only with me, but in me and I in Him."
That last part has been my mantra this week, and it does seem to be helping. Hasn't really reduced my road-rage issue, but it is helping with the bigger questions. Slowly, but helping. That leaves me wondering how do you deal with the questions? What helps you get through the issues in life, not just the speed bumps, but also the ones that are more like sinkholes that could swallow you and your entire life whole?
