Waiting

We did not meet this week, and I have been slow to post. I considered going back to the discussion on giving back, but that didn't seem to generate much interest or discussion. I found no inspiration in any of my readings or experiences this week. I am feeling empty and spent, for no apparent reason. And just when I was ready to not even try to post anything my own words came back to bite me in the behind. Maybe this is a part of the journey and I am supposed to be learning something in the wilderness. OK, (sigh) my mind is open, my fingers are poised over the keyboard and I am waiting... for divine inspiration.

Waiting - free association - ooh! Song lyrics - waiting for the sun, waiting without reason, waiting for your call, sigo escalando sin encontrar, pero seguire buscando. (Yes, thanks again to JM!) As I let my mind wander, patience and persistence is what I am hearing. Waiting for... I guess I don't really know what I am waiting for, do you know what you are waiting for? I really do wish I had been gifted with patience. It feels imperative that I know what is next, what I am supposed to do, where my life is going, where my family's lives are going. And it feels like I need to know it all now! But patience and persistence keep coming back to my wandering, free-associating mind.

While knowing where I am going and that I am making a difference is probably my subconscious self's greatest desire, my conscious, grounded, practical self knows that just isn't going to happen. Trying to get the two to meet somewhere in the middle (I know, sounds a bit dissociative, doesn't it?) brought me back to the PBS Frontline study we did several years ago on 9-11. Why have the words of the rabbi stuck with me for so very long? I can't recall the exact quote, but do remember that he spoke about embracing the mystery of God. He made it sound so easy...

I really wanted to recall the quote without actually watching the whole program again. It was incredibly draining to watch the devastation of not just the event, but the aftermath. (It may be worth revisiting as we approach the tenth anniversary?) I did a quick search - this is a question that can be answered by Google - and found a link to an interview with the rabbi in only three clicks. Rather than going on I want to encourage you to read this, and wish you peace today.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/faith/interviews/hirschfield.html